For those of us who suffer from chronic cravings — buried desires — overwhelming crushes.
Herein lies our remedy.
Last week we received another blessing — a Billie Eilish, Charli xcx remix collaboration on “Guess.” The song debuted at #12 on the Hot 100, making it the highest-charting song on “Brat.”
And I will get back to that.
But first, let’s talk Billie.
In May, she released “LUNCH,” a song that confesses feelings like a delirious whisper, a charismatic declaration of desire. It has the charm of a daydream and the flavor of bliss. The piano conjures the innocence of attraction; the guitar arouses our appetite.
We are transported back to those moments around our crush when we sense and track their movements with heightened awareness. We notice things that magnify our fantasies and accelerate our excitement — “Oh My God, her skin’s so clear / Tell her bring that over here” — and our heart and stomach tremble.
Are we still adults — or children racked by nervousness and suspense, fearfully anticipating the coming of heaven?
“LUNCH” is the second single on “HIT ME HARD AND SOFT,” an album for which Billie and her brother and producer Finneas changed their creative process. Previously, they worked on one song at a time, not moving on until it was finished. By the album’s release, some songs were over a year old. Billie expresses regrets about this method in an interview with Booker and Stryker because she says it prevented her from tinkering and making other, more fruitful decisions. She wishes she had let her songs “sit a little.”
This time, however, “everything grew up together, aged together.” Songs were not completed for months. In an interview with Zane Lowe, Billie and Finneas discuss how frustration, fear and discomfort plagued their efforts and made them question whether or not they had “lost it.” But it all paid off. They have never been prouder of an album or felt it better represented their essence. They drilled into who they were — at an uncomfortable pace — and profited immensely.
If Billie was cute and confident in “LUNCH,” in “Guess” she has become a bold and provocative sex symbol. In the song’s music video she bulldozes into the room, delivering the following lines:
“Don’t have to guess the color of your underwear /Already know what you got goin’ on down there.”
Imagine anyone but Billie saying this: it’s creepy 9 times out of 10. Billie, on the other hand, does it with sprezzatura.
Adding “LUNCH” and “Guess” together reveals a few things about the artful communication of desire. And being the curious people we are, we wonder: Are we not capable of this, too? How do we learn to express our yearnings?
For many, a crush prompts the instinct to repress and keep silent; they hide their feelings out of fear of rejection, cringe or shame.
These emotions have ugly faces, yes. But they also have beautiful behinds: our imagination makes monsters out of them when in reality they are not so menacing. And when we expose ourselves to these safe dangers again and again, we develop a tolerance for them and grow. We lose our fear and begin to seek out — not avoid — resistance and discomfort.
Our fears must be reinterpreted as short and exciting stimulations that, if channeled correctly, can be a game we play playfully with ourselves, renewing our thirst for life and making it interesting.
The past gives us good reasons to view our desires as curses or portents of heartbreak. It makes us scared of our passions. We remember how we felt before the painful event and mistakenly view our feelings as the cause. But these “good reasons” are really disguised excuses that want us to stay comfortable even if that also means being unhappy.
We must forget about the result. We voice our cravings to get closer to what attracts us, for our greatest lessons lie behind our loves. We do not want to possess. We want to learn more about ourselves, about other people and especially about the world.
We fight our fears, and then we follow them. They are the jolt and spur that send us — toward what?
Read more
1989, Ten Years Later
The apotheosis of Charli xcx
Top art spots on East Campus
We do not know. Most likely not where we think.
But how much worse would it be if we never found out?
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.
